Do I have a wee or a new car?

I can't work out which I need more right now, a wee wee or a black soft top Saab 93 Aero. Thank Jehova (may his name be blessed) that the world is the right way round - although it was a close shave what with pubs selling piss and cars  coming out of our bloody dicks. I can't walk ten feet without seeing a car for sale, I can't cross the road without getting knocked down by - yes you guessed it, a car, I can't even drive to work without finding myself sat in the seat of a bloody car. So maybe the credit crunch has benefits - it will be good for savers and will stop me pissing my pants because I'm too busy drooling over new motors to go to the toilet.

I will give £11 cash to anyone who test drives a car in the next week and leaves a pool of piss in the driver's seat - or even better, some spunk on the steering wheel. I'll give you £20 for that.